HOW TO
How to write a first letter
Nobody is stuck for words. They are stuck for a shape. Here is the shape — six moves that turn a blank page into a letter someone reads twice.
Almost nobody is stuck for words. What people are stuck for is a shape — some idea of what a letter to a stranger is supposed to contain, so that the first sentence has somewhere to go. This is that shape, in six moves, with a real letter to demonstrate it.
THE SHORT VERSION
- Open in the middle of something ordinary. Never with "how are you".
- Include one specific, useless, true detail — it is the most valuable sentence you will write.
- Ask exactly one question, and make it one they will enjoy answering.
- Keep a first letter to roughly 150–300 words. It is an invitation, not an autobiography.
- Put the warm, silly thing in the postscript. It is the most-read line in any letter.
Why the page goes blank
The blank page in a letter app is a different blank page from the one in a chat window, and the reason is expectation. In a chat, a bad message costs nothing — you send four more immediately after it. A letter that will take two days to arrive and might get read twice feels like it ought to be good, and that pressure is what empties your head.
The fix is not to try harder. It is to stop trying to be interesting and start being specific, which is a much easier instruction to follow.
Nobody has ever put down a letter because the writer's life was not exotic enough. They put it down because it could have been written by anyone.
The anatomy of a first letter
Here is a complete first letter, taken apart. Scroll through it — each piece explains what it is doing and why it is in that position.
Dear Wanjiru,
I am writing this on a train that is nineteen minutes late, which everyone in this carriage has silently agreed to be furious about.
The man opposite me is eating an entire rotisserie chicken with his hands. Nobody is acknowledging it. It may be the most British thing I have ever witnessed.
I moved here eight months ago and still have not found a café I like. I think I am waiting for one to feel like the one at home, which is unfair to all of them.
What is the thing about Nairobi that people from outside always get wrong?
Yours from a delayed train, Jonas P.S. — the chicken is gone. All of it.
Use their name. Not "hey" or "hi there" — a name is the cheapest possible signal that this letter was written to one person rather than posted at everybody.
Start in the middle of something. Never open with "how are you" or "sorry for the late reply" — both hand the reader an obligation before you have given them anything.
One specific, useless, absolutely true thing. This is the single highest-value sentence in any first letter — it is unfakeable, it is yours, and it is what makes a stranger feel like a person.
Give away something real but small. Not a confession — a texture. You are showing that this correspondence is allowed to have an inside to it.
One question, and make it one they will enjoy answering. Ask about their opinion or their ordinary life — never a survey of five questions, which reads as an interview.
Close somewhere specific, then add a postscript. The P.S. is read more often than any other line in a letter, so put the warm, silly thing there.
That whole letter is under two hundred words. It contains no achievements, no interesting travel, and nothing that would survive being described as a personality. It works because every line is unmistakably from one particular person on one particular afternoon.
Three openings you can steal today
The opening is where most first letters die, so here are three that reliably work. Change the details; keep the move.
The in-progress opening
“It is raining hard enough that I have given up on going out, so you are getting a longer letter than you bargained for.” — starts mid-scene, explains itself, and gives the reader a picture in one sentence.
The honest-admission opening
“I have started this letter three times and deleted it twice, which I suspect is normal and am choosing to leave in.” — disarming, true for nearly everyone, and it immediately makes the correspondence feel low-stakes for them too.
The small-question opening
“I want to know whether the thing where everyone complains about the trains is universal, or just here.” — arrives with something for them to answer, without making it an interview.
Questions that get long answers
A good question is specific, has no correct answer, and lets the other person be an expert on their own life. Some that consistently work:
- What do people always get wrong about where you live?
- What is something everyone in your country does that you have never understood?
- What did you eat today, in unnecessary detail?
- What is the last thing you changed your mind about?
- What is on the walls of the room you are in?
- What is a word in your language that English is missing?
Note what they have in common: none of them can be answered in one line, and none of them require anything remarkable to have happened.
Be specific rather than interesting. Specific is achievable on a Tuesday; interesting is not.the whole method, honestly
What to leave out of letter one
- The apology. Nobody was waiting. Starting with sorry hands the reader an obligation.
- The question barrage. Five questions is an interview. One is a conversation.
- The pitch. Listing your hobbies and virtues turns a letter into a dating profile.
- The heavy disclosure. Save it. A correspondence earns that over months, and letter one cannot carry it.
- The photo request. If the correspondence matters, that happens on its own.
Questions
What should I write in a first letter to a pen pal?+
Open in the middle of something ordinary that is happening around you, include one specific true detail, give away something small and real about yourself, and ask exactly one question they will enjoy answering. Skip "how are you" and skip apologising for anything. Six or seven sentences is plenty for a first letter.
How long should a first letter be?+
Shorter than you think — around 150 to 300 words. A first letter is an invitation, not an autobiography. Long letters are wonderful once a correspondence has a rhythm, but a very long first letter can read as a lot to answer and quietly raises the cost of replying.
What if I have nothing interesting to say?+
Everybody believes this and nobody is right. Interesting is not the same as unusual — the weather where you are, what you ate, what your commute looks like and what is annoying you this week are all genuinely interesting to someone who has never been where you are. Specificity is what makes writing interesting, not novelty.
How do I end a letter to a pen pal?+
End somewhere concrete rather than with a generic "write back soon". Something like "yours from a delayed train" or "yours, still café-less" carries the whole letter into the sign-off. Then add a postscript — it is the most-read line in any letter.
What should I avoid in a first letter?+
Avoid apologising for the delay, avoid asking five questions in a row, avoid anything that reads as a dating-profile pitch, and avoid heavy personal disclosure in letter one. Also avoid asking for a photo — if the correspondence matters, that arrives on its own.
When you have someone to write to, the guide to pen pal apps covers where to find them — or start on Snailpost, where the first letter you write goes out at the speed of real distance.